Tuesday, November 23, 2010

22. Baldy Nov 22 Mon

(2:43 pm Mon Nov 22, 2010)

[ Fri Nov 19, 2010 - morning ]

Well, gentle reader, perhaps today. The energy level is currently low though.

*** Rope ***

Rope. A strong line.

Rope. To lasso.

Rope. Tie up.

Rope. Cable.

Rope. A Dope.

Rope. Tight rope.

Rope. Swing.

Rope. Ladder.

Rope. Bridge.

The shop keeper is sitting in front of his notebook computer reading an odd story online.


Two Knights, One Day.

Well, I must first tell you that I am not speaking in any way of modern knights. No, certainly not! I would not do that. Well, not today in any case. I am, rather speaking of knights of yore.

Secondly, I must tell you that, despite the fact that we are speaking of knights of yore and not of modern knights, this story is, in fact, set in modern times.

Thirdly, I must inform you that this story is not about time travel. Well, except for the normal everyday forward time travel what we all do from the moment of our birth. That kind of time travel does happen in this story. But not the fictional sort of time travel where people move backwards in time or even forwards in time at rates other than the normal rate we all experience each day of our lives. Of course, there may be the occasional flashback and what not in the story but we all know that does not count as time travel per se. Rather, flashbacks and such are just literary devices more akin to memories than to bona fide time travel.

Now knight number one was known as Sir Higginthorpe of Blatherdash. Or as his mother named him, Whotay Higginthorpe. But mostly as Sir Higgi. He was well loved by the youth for his deeds of daring, sought after by damsels for his courtly manners and admired and feared by knights and lesser men for his courage and skills at arms.

For his part, knight number two was known as Sir Reched of Aimless, the Starry Knight. Or as his father had named him, Dun Reched. He was despised by the youth for his uncouth speech (what do youth know), shunned by damsels for his ungainly gait (just because he didn't mince along) and avoided by knights for his lack of personal hygiene (what did he care for eau de toilette). Lesser men didn't seem bothered by his lack of personal hygiene though.

One day, on the day in question as a matter of fact, the two knights were called to the castle for an audience with the red queen. They arrived, one on the east road and one on the west road at noon. And not at some chopped up, mechanized, time zone noon, no, they arrived when the sun was directly overhead as the red queen had commanded.

If you musk know, Sir Higgi arrived on the west road and the Starry Knight arrived via the east road.


Well gentle reader, the shop keeper was enjoying himself. He considered himself somewhat of a military historian. He read Sun Tzu's The Art of War daily. Often online at http://www.gutenberg.org/cache/epub/132/pg132.txt and he also loved stories of martial classes and groups.

Knights, Pirates, Vikings, Ninjas, Kungfu Monks, Assassins, Gladiators, Samurai and the like.

*** Plug **

Plug up.

Plug. Socket.

Plug. Drain.

Plug. Nose.

Plug. Dyke.

Plug. Jack.

(6:00 pm Mon Nov 22, 2010)

I have been busy chatting online instead of trying to write gentle reader and have managed to burn a lot of precious time in the process. Since I want to go to band practice tonight that was not a wise course of action.


The red queen informed the two knights of a daze that had recently invaded her realm and that was causing much consternation among her loyal subjects. We shall make no mention of any disloyal subjects as we do not want to spread any ideas out into the wild.

She told them that the daze had first appeared on a wild summer night three years ago in a little clearing deep in a forest by the ocean. At first, no one had noticed due to the one hand clapping effect. Well, actually it was the if a tree falls in the woods effect but one can't always be too careful when classifying phenomena.

Since then it had been spreading over the realm, moving from one place to another like wisps of nothing. Like fignewtons of imagination. The stuff of dreams. Truth be told, the stuff of nightmares.

Well, she told them that she was charging them with seeking out and destroying this menace to her realm.

Sir Higgi was all excited to be given such a commission by such a lofty personage as the red queen herself and offered to begin immediately, forthwith, and rah rah.

The Starry Knight on the other hand mentioned the matter of time constraints, the difficulty of the commission and most importantly the great expense likely to be incurred by the undertaking. That plus his bunion was acting up this week.

Sir Higgi looked at the Starry Knight with alarm and disgust. He railed against him for some time before beginning to spit on the ground as an insult to him. The red queen saw what was about to happen and cleared her throat. Sir Higgi looked her way when she did so and she shook her head no. He caught himself at the last minute and had to swallow his bile so to speak.

Sir Higgi felt insulted and turned red in the face on account of the queen taking the Starry Knights side rather than his. How was he to know that the queen was actually on his side and wanted to to some railing of her own. It was just that she did not want knightly phlegm on her marble floors.

How was he to know that although the red queen held him the highest esteem and considered him the greatest knight in her realm while she considered the Starry Knight a foreign interloper. A Johnny come lately low life even that she had recently become privy to some vague information that led her to believe that the Starry Knight might just be the only knight on the face of the earth that could rid her dominions of the curse of this dreaded daze.

(7:00 pm Mon Nov 22, 2010) 49673

(9:52 pm Mon Nov 22, 2010)

Well, at least band practice was a bit of fun. Now to get down to it. Not a round tuit.

*** Grease ***

Grease. Fat. Lard. Oil.

Grease. Greasy.


So anyway the red queen told the Starry Knight that he could have whatever he needed for expenses and that he would receive a substantial sum should he succeed as well as be granted lands in the east.

Now Sir Higgi was really getting hot but, as he was a kindly knight, he did his best to keep his emotions hidden. The red queen, for her part, was not fooled. She smiled. "Good Sir Higginthorpe," she said "I will certainly reward you no less should you help rid my realm of this terrible daze.

Sir Higgi protested vociferously. He made it clear that he would not accept payment for either his expenses or by way of reward for a successful prosecution of his assignment. He almost offered to meet the Starry Knight's expenses as well but bit his tongue at the last moment.

And so the two knights set off on their quest for the red queen to rid her lands of the dastardly daze. They journeyed for days through all sorts of landscapes. Through desert, through forest, over mountains frozen in summer. Over seas and finally came to the forest by the ocean wherein the daze had first appeared in the red queens realm.

They landed their sloop on the rocky beach and secured it to a fallen tree with a stout rope. The climbed a vertical cliff and set out in search of the clearing of origin. The clearing of the daze.

Now I must tell you that when they set out in search of the daze clearing it was a mere thousand yards away from the point where they had rested after their cliff ascent.

After eight days of wandering in search of the daze they finally came to the little clearing. The daze was thick in the clearing on the morning they finally entered the clearing. So thick in fact that they had walked almost the whole way across it before they realized that they were actually in it.

Luckily, a small ray of friendly sunshine broke through the daze just before they were about to enter the forest again and gleamed off of the Starry Knight's visor and into the left eye of Sir Higgi. When the friendly ray of sunshine got Sir Higgi's attention he stopped dead in his tracks and the ray laughed a little mirthy laugh.

(10:30 pm Mon Nov 22, 2010) 50110

*** Albert ***

Albert. Hall.

Albert. And Oats?

Albert. Bob's your uncle.

Albert. Bert.

Albert. Flaubert.

Albert. Albrecht.

Albert. Albight.

Albert. Al.

Well gentle reader, the shop keeper was lost in the depths of the forest with the two Knights. Deep inside his own mind. Lost in a daze of his own. Unaware of what was going on around him. A smile on his face.


The Starry Knight did not notice that Sir Higgi had stopped and continued on to the edge of the forest and was about to re-enter it when Sir Higgi called out to him.

"What now oh proper Knight?" asked Sir Reched, derision in his voice.

"I just thought you might like to know we are here," said Sir Higgi.

"We are where?" asked Sir Reched.

"In the clearing of the daze," answered Sir Higgi.

The Starry Knight turned around and came back, he slapped Sir Higgi on the back in celebration, denting his armour from the impact and almost knocking Sir Higgi to the ground. He would have gone to the ground too if it were not for his knightly, cat like grace.

Well, they sat down and opened their saddle bags and ate a light lunch of Greek gyros and conch salad.

As they sat eating their lunch, Sir Higgi began telling the Starry Knight about a book he was currently titled "Baldy - A Bahamian Shaggy Dog Story" and wondered if Dun had ever read it or even heard of it.

For his part, Sir Reched had never heard of it. Sir Higgi waxed eloquent on the virtues of the book and explained how it was a deep book and a metaphor for lost love and courtly virtue and grace. He explained that although it was ostensibly about a dog who went in search of a treasure that it was really about the transcendent beauty of the knightly hunt and true love. After going on like this for about two hours he noticed that the Starry Knight had dozed off at some prior point.

(11:08 pm Mon Nov 22, 2010) 50459

Well gentle reader, as you can no doubt see, it is late and as you may guess, I am tired. My eyes hurt and midnight approaches faster than I might like. And although I have passed fifty thousand words tonight and am *VERY* happy about that, two thousand words have come much slower than I would have liked.

The day's goal is getting close now though and so I invite you to just sort of slide along with me as I crank some out just for the sake of cranking some out.

I will have to fill you in on some more of the Knights quest tomorrow if I can. For now it will be one word and then another until the line in the sand is crossed.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, and ten. Don't forget zero to start...

And with that we can wrap it up for the night gentle reader. I don't think it will get posted until tomorrow though.

Good night.

(11:15 pm Mon Nov 22, 2010) 50635

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